The Origins of Saint Valentine’s Day

February 14 has long been a date associated with fertility and marriage but not always with love and romance; at least not in the sense that most of us understand these concepts today.

Valentine’s Day has its origins in the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia which was celebrated from February 13-15. During this time young men would strip naked and run through the streets using strips of goat skin to lightly lash the buttocks of young women to remove curses and ensure fertility and easy child birth. There was also a “Lover’s Lottery” wherein the names of available young women were placed in a box to be drawn by young men. Once a name was drawn the couple was committed; at least for the duration of the festival.

In 496 C.E., Pope Gelasius and the Catholic Church decided to claim February 14 as a Christian feast day in order to eradicate the still popular pagan festival. The Church dedicated the date to St. Valentine and created the backstory that Valentine was a Catholic bishop who was martyred for performing marriages for Roman soldiers after Emperor Claudius had banned marriage for young men on the grounds that married men made weak warriors.

Many centuries later, in the 18th century, it became popular for young Englishmen to give handmade cards of paper and lace to the objects of their affection. By the mid 19th century mass production techniques, an improved postal service and cheap paper lace made the custom of sending Valentine cards popular in the U.S. as well.

In 1913 Hallmark entered the arena and changed the holiday forever. What started out as a slightly sadistic Roman fertility rite is now an obligatory date on which to profess undying love while sending candy, flowers and jewelry in addition to cards. Valentine’s Day now generates $14.7 billion dollars in retail sales in the U.S. and is the second most card-laden celebration after Christmas as well as one of the most popular days for marriage proposals.

I Give Thanks For…

For years now Thanksgiving has been my favorite holiday. It falls right in the middle of my favorite season and is celebrated with so many of my favorite foods: turkey, sweet potato pie, collard greens etc. It’s always celebrated at my house because I absolutely love to cook and I love having my mother, siblings, nieces and nephew all in one place. So far I’ve been lucky, every year brings something new to be thankful for. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my share of setbacks this year but when I look back the plusses definetly outweigh the minuses. Here’s my personal list of things that I’m thankful for this year. Some are perennial, some are new.

1. My husband who supports my many dreams, aspirations and endeavors. He even accompanies me to weddings to take photos and acts as my field assistant as I travel about doing my research into graffiti culture.

2. My two stepsons. Kevin the 21 year old graphics design student who designs my promotional materials and DJ the 14 year old who, in five years, has not given me one moment of “step-mama drama”.

3. Speaking of mamas, my husband lost his mother nearly two years ago and I’m thankful for the relationship he has developed with my mother. Despite conventional wisdom mothers and sons-in-law can have a close, loving and respectful relationship.

4. I’m thankful that my mom is still alive, active and healthy now that I’ve reached an age where several of my peers have lost their parents or are dealing with their illnesses and disabilities.

5. Lastly I give thanks for the weddings and committment ceremonies that I have been trusted to create and officiate. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than being part of the start of a new family.

I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving.

How to handle stress & conflict during the holidays

The holiday season is upon us and though the greeting card companies proclaim this as the season of “peace on Earth and goodwill to men” this is usually one of the most stressful times of the year. This year’s holiday season promises to be more stressful than most as financial and economic uncertanties add to a heightened sense of frustration and vulnerability within families and between neighbors. Here are a few steps that one can take when dealing with neighbors, coworkers and others that seem to be behaving in irrational and purposely irritating ways.

  • Be a friendly driver. During the holiday season we become more inclined to such rude behaviors as competing for parking spaces and cutting other drivers off on the freeway. Foregoing these urges will leave you feeling less frustrated and could save your life.
  • If someone does cut in front of you on the freeway or jack you for a parking space, just let it go. Find another parking space or be content to arrive a few seconds later at your destination.
  • Be mindful of your neighbors during your celebrations and be responsible for the actions of your guests. Ask that they not block your neighbor’s parking areas or leave their trash behind on the street. Also consider not hosting loud and rowdy celebrations that last into the wee hours.
  • Shop early to avoid the holiday crush of last minute shoppers
  • Resist the temptation to fight over the last unit of that “must have toy” or other hot gift. Chances are that it will be on sale after the holidays anyway.
  • Remeber that these are tough times and don’t be offended if your coworkers can’t or don’t want to buy the holiday items being sold by your child’s school.
  • Likewise don’t feel like a Scrooge if you can’t afford the items that your coworker is selling or to participate in the office celebrations.
  • Be patient with store clerks, transportation workers and restuarant servers. Chances are they are working long hours with little sleep in order to make sure that YOU have a cheerful holiday season
  • Finally take a moment to slow down and remember what the holiday season truly represents; a time to pause and reflect on your spiritual connections to Divinity, nature and your loved ones.

Have a Blessed Yule, Merry Christmas, Joyous Kwanzaa and Happy Chanuka.